This post is going to be a bit of a departure from previous posts; fair warning. I've been thinking a lot about boredom lately. Sometimes you get in a rut and nothing is flowing, you're not feeling engaged in day-to-day life. In those moments, what do you do? How do you get your sunny attitude and enthusiasm for life back without doing something foolhardy? In the past, I've shopped, eaten way too much, watched too much TV, disappeared into romance novels, and gone out too much with friends. At a certain point, exhaustion ensues - both physical and spiritual.
I've been exhausted, bored and angry for the last couple of years but I didn't realise it for a long time (or at least I didn't realise how bad it had gotten). It took the betrayal by a friend and an ex, plus my grandmother's death to finally wake me up to my malaise. I joined an amazing choir, made new friends and started figuring out exactly what I wanted and who I wanted to be. I joined a women's group and have recently become part of a protest choir, of all things! We get together to sing protest songs and hang out, with the possibility of maybe performing in the future.
As much as all that bad stuff hurt - I'm still dealing with the fallout and trying not to beat myself up for having the bad judgement of including those people in my life in the first place, plus missing my Granny like crazy - I can't regret that any of it happened. I wouldn't have choir, I wouldn't have the life or the self-knowledge I have right now, and I would not be as close as I am to fulfilling my career dreams.
Me being fierce and take-charge
Sometimes it takes a jolt and a punch in the gut to wake you up and make you realise what you really want in life. I'm still figuring it out slowly but surely. Hopefully there's no internal bleeding.
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